Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
