We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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