Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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