he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
