you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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