I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
