i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
