My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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