Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
