Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
