fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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