I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
