Apparently you make a good broom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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