saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
