Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize