found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
