dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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