Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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