I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
