Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
