I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
