all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
