So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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