I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
