bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
