also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
