The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
