Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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