when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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