I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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