The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
