Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize