dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
