she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
