Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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