So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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