we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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