Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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