i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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