dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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