He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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