I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
