im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
do herpes really smell.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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