Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
