We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
