I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
