her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
