I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
