im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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