I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize