What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
