oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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