He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
