So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
