can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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