i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
