Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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