So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
