Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
