Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
