how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
