you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
