Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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