I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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