Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
