i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
