what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
