Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
