Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
