I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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