walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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