my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
