FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
