im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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