Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
