I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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