Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
