K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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