I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The air taste purple.
Randomize
