he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
