You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
