my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
