he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we should paint friendship bongs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
