yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
