This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
