Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Text me some of your sweat
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
