she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
