Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
