i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
