alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
