so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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