My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
