Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
