Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
