i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
