I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize