My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
