WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
