that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
