now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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