We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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