why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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