Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
