You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Found the puke drawer
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
