OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
