we have pet lesbian snakes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
