I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize