So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
