I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
