I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This house was built for laser tag.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
